| over and out |
[Sunday, Mar 22nd*2009
@ 2:42am] |
|
you'll never be able to get rid of me.
yeppp I'm going to be around forever..I hope your as excited and hopeful as I am.
Tonight was my first fashion show for sew by s.e.w.
Number one priority is myself and my life and my line.
I'm not a fan of not being appreciated..and of others just assuming i will follow through with their back side plans because I'm always so passive...
nope.
no more.
I'm standing my ground.
Don't care what title you have, I'm number one in my book.
big dreams.
sweet dreams.
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| taking risks |
[Tuesday, Mar 10th*2009
@ 12:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mellow |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
city and colour: comin' home |
] |
"I've seen a palace in London, I've seen a castle in Wales
but I'd rather wake up beside you and breathe that ol' familiar smell
I never thought you could leave me, I figured I was the one
but I understand your sadness so I guess I should just hold my tongue"
Always in a mix with you. But I let you know how I feel.
You're scared to take a risk with me. You always have been..and I'm not saying it's "too late", I just wanted to tell you that I couldn't stand being so hopeful, when you obviously didn't mean fully what you told me. There is nothing more to say to to you...or at least I'm not going to make the first efforts to do so..I just feel led on, played...under your intentions or not.
I had such high hopes to.
I have high hopes.
I'm a dreamer..a romantic.
I romanticize every thing with you...I could write our version of the notebook! for goodness sake..
is it useless to feel this way? Are there ever happy endings? I guess I won't find out until the end. :/
well..other than a boy being thought of...I'm really proud of myself.
Finally started my business...at the age of 20.
and it's going good, less than 3 months into it...and I will already be having my stuff featured and be selling in a store! I have big plans for sew by s.e.w.
keeping it positive.
keeping busy.
I feel centered...and i feel like my priorities are straight.
what can I say..it keeps me busy.
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|
[Friday, Nov 28th*2008
@ 9:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
i needed this. my body need this..this mini vacation..
my body is just soo tired..i don't know if i'm resting from what has been happeneing the past 3 months..or if it's rpeparing for the next 2 weeks and beyond.
I'm trying my best to stau emotionally storng...and to not analyze. I'm perfectly content being on my own..and by myself....hasn't changed...if anything i've been more accepting of myself and my independence...more storng...stronger than i was round one..years ago.
i will talk to you when i get ome....i know i'm going to melt at the sight of you..but i will make sure we talk..so i know where you stand with me...where you really stand..to make sure you weren't playing games...you're in cotrol...i just want to make sure you know what you're doing haha. it's true!
for some reason..i've been feeling a need for distraction..and i honestly don't need it..obviously. and I shouldn't let the thoughts of wanting to text you and hang out..get in the way of what i'm doing...
no more of that!!
For now..and forever..i will try to always have a clear positive mind...because positive energy atttracts positive energy.
I just hate being soo tired...although i know...i know i need the rest.
woe is me.
So we will see my love. I'm not baking down anymore...only taking a stand. fighting for rights..you know the whole tid bit.
i just can only hope that you're missing me.
hope for the best...but expect the worst...actually expect nothing..that way when something does happen that is awesome..then it's MORE exciting! wooo...
breathe.
meditate.
think positive!
|
|
| blood is stronger than bond |
[Wednesday, Nov 26th*2008
@ 8:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
This morning i left california seeing a double rainbow.
This evening i flew into missouri witnessing a georgous sunset.
mother nature is inspiring.
it amazes me that everythig, every element is connected.
I only have 2 more weeks of this semester left. I will be making the best of it, the will be focusing on my plan B. Everything has happend for a reason.
I'm really proud of myself..not just for the focus i'm putting into my pssion...but also for not taking any shit. also not giving in...showing tough love..making him want more.
Although I've only been here for a few hours...I'm already missing california...but i'm happy nd excited to hang out with my mom and with my brother nathan... I can't even remember the last time i spent thanksgiving with nathan....its been years.
This year hs relly been having more focus with my family..more bonding time.
love.
on a love note...my heart is still fluttering!!
I'm excited for us!!!!!! oh my goodness. I am just so happy.
and now i know what not to do...ive leared many lessons... today after viwing the sunset from thousands of miles in the air...i'm still a romantic..but definately more realist than I was years ago... he opened my eyes...now i want to open his heart.
oh my goodness... yes still...still stoked! still excited.
oh love.
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|
[Monday, Nov 24th*2008
@ 1:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
loved |
] |
I have been waiting 3 years for him to ask me to be his girlfriend..and to give us a real chance.
I've missed him soooo much..
We will make this work.
I will show him nothing but love.
|
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| mr.big |
[Thursday, Oct 16th*2008
@ 12:51am] |
someday i will show you pure love.
when the time is right for the both of us.
i think it's a sign if you keep appearing in my dreams, ever since the night we met.
we obviously have an amazing connection, and you have witnessed first hand in the past, what a romantic i can be.
seeing you on friday, spending the night..being held in your arms.....perfection.
Your heart beat is a repeating melody in my head.
Since I've known you, you've given me hope.
what will be...will need patience..and understanding.
i want to throw my arms around you, call you and tell you fully how i feel..But i don't want to scare you away..i know how you get..
So I'm making note, to make you keep wanting more :]
I want to show you love.
|
|
| " Nostalgia." |
[Monday, Oct 13th*2008
@ 11:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
I just received this message from a dear friend back in high school, who I really admired for his intellect, his heart, and his sense of humor.
"One time, you gave me this Emily Dickinson book of poetry, which I still have, and I gave you this shitty horrible stupid gift in return, and I didn't realize beforehand that the gift was gonna be such an utter failure, but I knew when I gave it to you that it was. It lacked beauty altogether, it was something farcical, and you had given me one of the most romantic portfolios of literature ever created.
You may not remember this. I only think of it from time to time when I look at the book you gave me.
But tonight, I thought about it from a more emotional standpoint and I reflected on the nature of someone's character who would give a school boy a book of poetry.
I pretty much failed you that day, but today I felt a compulsion to let you know that I think you're an extraordinary person. I don't know how you've developed as a person, obviously, because I haven't seen you in forever, but I believe humans develop with layers and therefore it must be safe to say that you've still got a really substantial core or soul or whatever you want to call it.
Anyway, I hope this will brighten your day."
Just felt a need to post this.
Lately I've been having strange dreams...and when I look up the meanings and symbols..it's really reflecting on what's been going on in my head...kind of like when you read your horoscope, and it actually fits almost exactly with whatever situations you're dealing with in your life.
There will be a great deal of change happening, but I will embrace each day with open arms and open eyes. Always pushing forward, no regrets.
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|
[Wednesday, Sep 3rd*2008
@ 6:52pm] |
|
this friday is going to be intense and fun...finally showing off some of my designs.
School started last week....it's going to be super intense but I'm all about it...and I honestly felt like I have made the right choice coming to this school.
I'm just focusing on that right now...nothing else..no drama.
just being busy busy busy
think you can keep up?
|
|
| hot rooms, expansion of thoughts |
[Sunday, Aug 17th*2008
@ 9:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thoughtful |
] |
lately I've been paying close attention to the smallest details. Sitting in the passenger seat, or the back seat of a moving car...gazing out the window..I slightly see my reflection, along with the silhouette of mountains and trees against the dusk evening sky. Its as if I'm constant;y reminding myself how beautiful the world is.
This short summer break was definitely needed. So much has been going on...but at least my head has stopped spinning for a moment. I'm relaxing, trying my best to..cause I know..starting August 25th ...my life is going to be School. No ifs,ands,or buts. I'm mentally preparing myself for the challenges up ahead, the possible problems...and the endless thread of solutions. I must admit that when ever I see the digits and the amounts..i loose my breath. It gives me slight anxiety, But I truly feel that I am going to the right school, and I am making the best decision. I have a good feeling about what will become of me and my expression. But for now I must focus on the idea that practice, and learning leads to perfection.
Exercise your talent.
Lately, I've noticed that I've been enforcing the time-limit rule. Which is always good. Can't afford to waste time, waiting.
lurking..
I know we both do it. We like to see what's going on in each others lives...viewing through a computer screen how each others doing with out the other. To be honest, I miss you. I miss you a lot, but I must not admit this feeling publicly...because I must execute a poise and strength. I have come to realize that I can't handle any ones baggage...no matter how small or large it might be.
all for one, and one for one.
at the moment at least.
You were right, and maybe i was rushing..into in an idea that I am not ready for.
eyes are much clearer now.
So now, as it should always be..for everyone..
live in the moment.
follow your heart.
stay positive.
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|
[Thursday, Jul 10th*2008
@ 12:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
so much is going on right now!!
i'm busy.
summer school is ALMOST OVER!!!
making the best of everything!!
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|
|
[Monday, Jun 30th*2008
@ 10:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 uncomfortable |
] |
Like mama always said...
"Hope for the best, but expect the worst"
|
|
|
[Wednesday, Jun 25th*2008
@ 11:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
pinching pennies and living large.
weekdays are full of school.
weekends are a reason to ride my bike to venice beach.
relaxing.
focusing.
dreaming.
everything happens for a reason.
I am thankful for all those around me.
For all those who support me.
Bigger and Better things are ahead.
Dreams are coming true.
|
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| the rules of attraction. |
[Friday, May 9th*2008
@ 9:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
thoughtful |
] |
i never thought to put a label on it.
i've been a believer in thinking positive will attract positive.
it seems as if that has been a major influence on me..
I just got to keep it up.
no doubt.
keep on swimming.
press play.
|
|
| no need |
[Friday, Mar 14th*2008
@ 9:41pm] |
|
I think that the STAPLE ads for the "easy" button, should be banned.
it's a horrible idea..
because life isn't EASY.
You can't press a button and whoa "that was easy".
no.
and besides I think that going through the process of something that is hard and or difficult and coming to a conclusion, i think that is the ultimate reward.
Nobody said that this was going to be easy.
I do say this to myself.
I say it when i'm frustrated with the slight imperfection of assignments.
I say it when i'm overwhelmed with money issues, and loan lagging.
I say it when i'm missing my mom ( which is often, every day).
But no matter how difficult a situation is, i still push through and make the best of it.
learn from experience.
learn from mistakes.
learning from others mistakes.
being negative is a waste of energy.
Although i don't have much, I am greatful for what i do have and for the positive influences in my life.
count your blessings.
|
|
| work it girl! |
[Friday, Feb 8th*2008
@ 10:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
impressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
murder was the case:snoop doggy dog |
] |
and oh i am!
my 4th? week at OTIS...lots of work but i'm handling it better than i thought!
waooo!
i feel like a true art student...the late nights and coffee running.
it's official.
Kevin is over cal state...i would be too.
it'd be like high school all over again.
gross.
so I'm going to give him the grand tour of otis soon.
Him and I are doing amazing.
no complaints.
at all.
none.
I love it.
I love him.
it's real.
i'm diggin' it :D
Friends at school are nice..see them daily we are the loudest kids in class..laughing at everything...i swear my inner stoner comes out.
I think my life would make a great reality tv show...filled with many interesting moments.
Mom is talking about moving closer...maybe only 5 hours away..maybe 10. She can't stand LA...wants to be where there is some sort of clean air...i guess. i've been making sure to hang out with dad at least twice a week..get lunch...him and i are in the same boat down here...down here by ourselves..blah blah.. I don't see why he still has Dee living up at the house. She does not appreciate anything anyone does for her. shitty. I DON'T deal with BULLSHIT like that...no no no. but whatever that's his deal.
Nathan and I have also been keeping in touch more.
I liek that. He's one of 2 big brothers who actually acts like one.
I still haven't had or made time to go see daniel and his family..I couldn't make it up there for Christmas cause I was on my deathbed...i still have their gifts..wrapped and everything...and it's a week before valentines..and the kids just had their birthdays...
hmm..i should get on that.
maybe next week...
GUESS is going..ok.
my boss Betty is a dumb bitch. doesn't give a shit. very unsupportive. doesn't know why shes going to school....i don't see the point in wasting money and time to a major you don't care for...or have any intrest in. whatever. Work is not my number one priority...it's probab ly number 3? maybe 4...
.5 Health
1.school:cause i'm paying for it all by myself!
2.eating
3.homework
4.GUESS?
wel li gots to go work it.
peace out.
ps:
this update was a good idea..don't ya think :]
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|
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[Thursday, Dec 27th*2007
@ 12:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
so christmas 2007 I was sick with a ..othasty cold! gross
but i got a new laptop. so i'm stoked.
car needs some repairs...i need to start looking into getting money for school...do research and all that.
but life is going pretty good!!
i really need to start saving money.
new years resolution? we'll seee!!
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|
|
[Wednesday, Nov 28th*2007
@ 11:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 determined |
] |
my nerves have been a wreck for the past few days.
Poor kevin probably thinks i'm crazy.
I've just been working alot and have art school on my mind.
stress stress stress!
but all to be relieved.
I finished everything i could think of.
The drawings..the still life..my life drawings...the essay..the paintings...the sketches..the pictures.
I'm turning it in tomorrow..
and on the 4th just in case i don't make it in...my plan B is to apply for classes next spring at city college.
so much a head.
so much on my mind.
one day at a time.
keep your chin up
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|
|
[Tuesday, Nov 20th*2007
@ 1:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
independent..still.
i'm making the best.
everything for my portfolio is 92% done. I'm nervous and excited. I hope it all works,( but if not i have a plan B.)
I'm glad that I haven't lost sight of my goals.
I'm glad i don't deal with bullshit anymore.
it feels good not to waste my time.
I'm making a habit of pressing delete on people.
I'm loving life, making the best. Spending time with people who want to spend time with me.
I miss my mom alot...but I wouldn't be the same...its hard having her 3,000+miles away, but it gives me more of a push to do better...so when she does come back or i tell her or email her projects over the phone she's thrilled.
Kevin inspires me and is by my side to keep pushing and to keep going.
I'm really digging this relationship.
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|
| one day you'll look back and laugh |
[Tuesday, Jun 5th*2007
@ 10:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
fuck you.
i haven't talked to you in over a year..and you're still running your mouth.
fuck you.
i've never done you wrong..i've never done shit to you.
YOU have no reason to have my name come out of your fucking mouth.
fuck you.
now i see your TRUE COLORS.
Either way..all this nonsense...
is not going to stop me from doing my thing..
and keeping it positive.
i know where i fucking stand.
So keep talking shit.
keep running your mouth.
One day it'll all catch up to you, you, and you.
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|
|
[Friday, Apr 20th*2007
@ 8:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
or maybe i will forget you competely.
have fun with your "little" girl.
honestly...thats just fucking disgusting.
grow up. date someone at least fucking 18.
you are honestly...fuckin cut.
fin.
|
give me some love
|
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